marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i think i have herpe
just one?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
