We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We just shotgunned beers for America
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
