My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
