i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Randomize
