you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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