and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
