guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
