I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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