My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
