So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
honey bunches of taint.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
