my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
