Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
