i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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