she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
