did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
bring money and cleavage
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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