After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
