sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
