Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
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I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
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I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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