Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
