So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
