Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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