Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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