I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
