can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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