His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
