Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
