I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
