Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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