I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
