you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
