My vagina just recognized that song.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
