then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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