I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
