I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
