I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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