We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
