Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
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He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
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It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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