He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
