How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
