idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
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I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
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Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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