when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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