the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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