its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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