If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
