Non-Jews are for practice
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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