My room smells like vodka and shame
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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