The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
