Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
