I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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