put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
