I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
