dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Randomize
