I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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