Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
