I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
