There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
