First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize