i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
