I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
