Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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