If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
