I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
