i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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