i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
