I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
