guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
