im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
