I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
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Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
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Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize