when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
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I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
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The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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