maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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