her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
