I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize