hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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