you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
