I showed him my bush... on skype.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
