no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
