Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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