he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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