Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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