clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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