Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
