okay pat passed out under dana's car
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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