Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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