I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
