Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize