She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
