May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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