someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
