What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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