Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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