I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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