the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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