lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
